Dec 23, 2019
Title: “Surviving the Holidays When Relationships Are Strained”
Guest: Fran Walfish
Main Segment
It’s the holidays and that means spending time with those you love and perhaps those you aren’t so fond of as well. When relationships are strained it can have a direct impact on your health, so we asked Dr. Fran Walfish, America’s favorite psychologist to join us today.
Notes from Fran:
The Holidays accelerate stress and anxiety for everyone. Hostesses and hosts want everything to go smoothly. Without intending to, they attempt to control the environment which sometimes includes family members. Frustration tolerance lowers, fuses blow, tempers flare, and feelings get hurt. Parents want their kids to behave showing perfect manners and kids want their parents off their backs! Folks need to expect family members to slip up and err. When you expect a letdown your disappointment is not as deep. Make an “exit plan” with your spouse/partner. Discuss this in advance so that you in the event things become out of control and unbearable you have a smooth way of making a clean getaway.
People who suffer from ambient anxiety generally have not yet developed enough of an internal psychological and emotional barrier. Things they see and hear about penetrate them to the core. There is not enough internal protective layering for traumatic information to avoid internal shake-ups.
The antidote and objective is for these women to develop a stronger identity and sense of self. Once we have a clear awareness of who we are including personal views/opinions on life, relationships, religion, politics, morals, ethics, character, and values - only then can we set firm boundaries. Boundaries are required to stop unwanted information (and behaviors) from coming in and penetrating us to the core.
The process of picking up on external stress and beginning to impact your own stress level is quick and automatic (without thought, or "unconscious"). The person usually feels an immediate rise in anxiety and a feeling of being taken over by their thoughts, worries, and fears. The anxiety takes on a life of it's own and the person feels they can't control their thoughts and emotions. Often, accompanying physical symptoms emerge including increased heart rate or palpitations, sweating, dizziness or lightheadedness, nausea, sensation of hot and cold, and in extreme cases, panic attacks. Ambient anxiety can have a cumulative effect. The more times you experience it the more susceptible you become next time you hear bad news.
The reason for the ongoing increase is largely cultural. Most American family are living in financial times where it takes two paychecks to make ends meet. Women are more exhausted with higher demands and living at a faster pace. When they come home from work, moms do not want to argue and fight with their kids. Many feel guilty about not being there with their kids all day. So, these moms cut their kids slack, too much slack. Often, mothers say no but don't follow through. Or, they say yes when they know they should say no.
Boundaries are much less clear today for children than in earlier times. When boundaries are not clear the path ahead splits into multiple forks in the road. Some kids find their way while others turn to drugs, sexual acting-out, and other deviant paths. There are many children, girls in particular, who suffer from anxiety. Thus, the higher rate of ambient anxiety."
Also, today we live in an electronic world. People are constantly plugged into Facebook, Twitter, etc. News information and graphic photographs/videos are communicated and transmitted instantly. This makes for more reactivity and emotionality in people who have a tendency toward ambient anxiety. It also is an opportunity for the individual to have more control. They can log on only when they want. They can turn it off immediately when too much information is coming at them.
Below are Dr. Fran Walfish’s actionable tips:
* Less Is More - Limit your daily news intake. Choose to read your news online so you can control what and how much goes into your consciousness.
* Avoid Negative People. While trying to keep a positive attitude, you must avoid people who thrive on negativity.
* Pay it Forward. When you feel overwhelmed, reach out and do something nice for someone else. Being generous in words and actions creates positive feelings for the doer and gets your endorphins flowing.
* Serious Self Care. Taking seriously good care of yourself is crucial to your happiness. This includes what you eat drink, think, how much you move your body, and how much you rest.
* Become an Observing Detective. When news is stressful, instead of reacting, panicking, or future tripping about what "could" happen, try to step out of the storm long enough to become an observer. Being an observer keeps you in a calm, slightly detached place, which helps you become more solution-oriented.
* Affirm what you want in your life. Take responsibility for what you hold in your mind. "Thoughts become things…choose the good ones!" (Guru, Mike Dooley) Keeping a positive attitude and seeing the glass half full is a habit. Try a behavioral approach. Get a rubber band and place it on your wrist. Whenever you recognize a negative thought or reactive fear, snap the rubber band. This moment of discomfort will take your focus off of the fear and bring it to your wrist. This gives you the option to focus on your fear (what MAY happen) or replace it with a more optimistic view (what you WANT to happen).
SLEEP RELATED TIPS TO REDUCE ANXIETY
“Executive Medicine Moment”
Executive Medicine of Texas believes in treating the whole patient not just a symptom. That’s why executive medicine of Texas offers half day exams that dig deep into a patient’s health and gives real actionable advice on how to live longer and healthier. Visit EMTexas.com to learn more about our executive physicals, concierge medicine programs, and age management.
Dr. Walfish – Tell our listeners where they can get more information about you.
“Pressing Health”- Health news that’s fresh off the press
Speaking of family. A new study shows that post-menapausal grandma whales that are close to their grand calves actually increase the chances for survival. Turns out the grandma whales learned a thing or two about how to survive. If you’re thinking you’re too old to provide anything or if you’re young and don’t appreciate your grandparents – it’s time to realize that NATURE gives grandparents a vital role in our survival. Even baby killer whales need their grandmas!
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/12/191209161339.htm
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Join us next time as we explore how to gain productivity and reach peak performance with author Gary Epler.